My journey to the finish line.

I went into Saturday with little sleep and nerves that never seemed to settle down. As I stepped out the door, I felt the air hit my skin and refresh my energy. The car ride was quite and relaxing. I did not speak, I pondered about the race. The unknown had my mind racing it's own marathon. "Would I finish? How will my body handle this challenge? What if I do not make it to the finish line?" Those were some of the many thoughts that crossed my mind on the way to the start line.

The sound of the trax train and my music was all that I heard on my way to the beginning of a long run. I visualized myself running a good race and tried to block out any negative thoughts that were trying to consume my mind. Exiting the trax train I could feel the similarities with others that I was feeling myself.

I waited in the long line to use the bathroom before the air horn was to go off. I spoke with others about the race. Some were scared, some were nervous and others were excited. Trying to keep my body warm, I kept my running pants and jacket on. As I grew closer to the bathroom I decided it was time to shed the clothing and get ready for this race. I don't know if I kept the warm clothes on to keep me warm or if I kept them on because I did not want to feel the reality that I was about to run 26.2 miles.

I opened up the new bottle of sunscreen. I sprayed the lotion on my legs, arms and then my face. Have you ever had sun tan lotion in your eyes? It is not the best feeling in the world. In the distance I heard my team, "Kevan! Were about to start! Hurry up!" Making my way to the start line with my right sleeve cleaning out the sun screen from my eye I heard a lady ask me, "Are you crying?" I laughed and explained what happened between the sunscreen and I. I replied, "I'm sure I will cry some where along this course."

The air horn sounded, I looked down to start and realized two important things I had forgotten to do. 1. Stretch and 2. To tie my shoes. I went to the side of the road and proceeded to tie my shoes. I could here the running steps of what seemed to be 1,000 people. Worries started to cloud my mind, "You are being left behind. All these people are going to finish sooner than you."

At this time, I remembered what my Uncle had told me. "Don't let the start get to you. Take it slow. Don't run over your pace."

I started my pace out about 1 minute and thirty seconds over my regular pace. At mile 1, I decided it would be a wise idea to stretch and I am thankful I did. I worked my way back onto the course feeling good and loose. As I was running, I heard two girls behind me whispering and then one asked me, "Are you running this race for Dillon Hofeling?" On the back of my jersey I wrote, "Running for Dillon." I answered their question and they expressed to me how nice that was. At that moment, I recalled exactly what I was running for and all those nerves in the beginning shadowed my purpose for running this race. The awakening was well needed.

Miles 1-13:

From what I heard, these miles were not very hard due to the energy that is present in the beginning of the race. I caught up with my team at about mile 10 and ran with Coach Te Koi to about mile 13 or so. He went back to get some other teammates and I continued on my journey to the finish line.

Miles 14-20:

My family was to meet me at mile 20. Everything felt fine. I called my sister at mile 15 and told her I would be to mile 20 in about an hour or so. If I could take anything back during this race, it would have been that call. I was so anxious to see my family that I out did myself and ran a faster pace time than I should have. Mile 17 seemed to take forever and at the time, I was beginning to think my watch was off. Of course,I was trying to confince myself that there must be something wrong and that is why the miles were not going fast like 1-13 did. I threw on some running music, mostly the soundtrack from, "Rocky IV" and next thing I knew, there was my family. They suprised me with a visit at about mile 19. I cannot explain how much that helped. I stopped and talked to them for about 5 minutes and then went on my way.

Miles 20-21

I believe I explained in a previous post about hitting the, "Runner's wall." I tried to turn up my music and sing out loud, that did not help. All I could think about was a quote I heard while watching a movie about marathons. The runner said,

"At some point in a marathon, the distance is greater than the human ability to physically transcend it."

I hit that point on mile 21. I saw my pace was falling behind and realized at one point, I was walking and not even jogging. My mind was in one zone and my body was in another. During this mile, this is where I knew I had to figure something out or else I wasn't going to finish. I leaned up against a fence and pondered about Dillon, I pondered about the miles I had conquered, I also pondered about the finish line. There wasn't one thing that really helped me finish, it was quanity of little things that helped me. I stretched a little and continued on my way.

Mile 22-24:

"Just make it to that light and then you can walk. Just make it to that cop car and you can walk for a little." Those were things that pushed me during the race. I recall trying to make it to a cop car and stopping about 20 feet before and I started walking and then forced myself to keep running. My body was spent and I started to wonder how I was going to finish this race. On the side of the road I saw some people handing out water. I drank about three cups of water and then I saw a man hand me a big orange slice. At the time, I thought this man was an angel. Oranges never tasted so good. I then grabbed another one from a lady that was about 30 feet behind the first guy. I felt those oranges give me a little bit of energy. I had pushed my body so far that it had no energy left. Without those oranges, I am sure I would have shut down completely. At about mile 24 there was a gentleman handing out pretzels. Those tasted just as good as the oranges. That little boost of energy carried me forward to mile 25.

Mile 25:

I turned the corner and saw that mile 25 was uphill. "Why not?" I thought. I tried to run that hill and I struggled with it. I ended up walking the hill and then ran on and off until I made it up that hill. I cannot express how excited I was to know that I was only 1 mile away from finishing this marathon. Coach Tammy saw me and cheered me on and her excitement carried me forward.

Mile 26.2

I could hear the crowds cheers as I was finishing my last mile. One more block to go and I'm in the home stretch. Once I heard those cheers, those feelings of being tired and beat were no longer there. I felt energy that I could have never imagined during this race. People that I have never met, seen or will most likely never see again were cheering me on. I looked over in the distance and there was the finish line and my family. I wish I could express to you the way I felt when I saw that. It's something you have to experience for yourself. All the days of training, ITBS issues, sore legs, feeling tired, running in the wind and the cold, all of these things crossed my mind and then I thought, "I DID IT! I FINISHED!" I cried the whole way across the finish line. So many emotions were going through me. I did not lie to that lady at the start. I did end up crying some where along the course but little did I know at that time, it would be at the finish line.

One last post before the race.

Over $50,000 raised for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

It's hard to believe that the marathon is only one day away. The time flew by with this training and now I am worried I didn't train hard enough. I'm sure the worries that I have are normal. I have worries of not being able to finish. I have worries about how my body will handle this long distance challenge. I think my biggest worry is trying to get past what runners call, "The Wall." That's when your body tells you it cannot go any further and wants to shut down. You have to find some way to tell your mind that it can continue on. I have loaded up my Ipod with some motivational music and will only use it when times get tough on the course.

Running in the cold, snow and some times rain, going home tired and sore, fighting through issues with my IT bands and even trying to find the motivation to get out and run, I wouldn't take this back for anything. I have learned a very valuable lesson with this training and if there were marathon Gods, they sure didn't take it easy on me with this training. I remember the days having a hard time walking and the pain I had to endure with my IT bands. All of this is nothing compared to what cancer patients go through. My pain is temporary, their pain is permanent until there is a cure.

I have learned many lessons along the way with this training. I have met many great people and have made many friends that will be with me through the rest of my life. I believe the biggest lesson I learned was to put Kevan aside and concentrate my energy on something that was more important and that was my friend Dillon. There are times on my runs where I get tired and I feel I need to stop. Certain things have pushed me through that but the one thought that helped the most was, "This is not for you. Stop being so selfish and realize you are doing this for Dillon and others. Push yourself! You can do it! You're almost there. Find whatever it is inside of you to keep going." Would I say those things out loud while running on roads where there was no soul in site? I would.

I am very grateful that I decided to do this marathon. I recall when I was debating on whether to do this or not. I am very glad I said yes to this. I remember my boss saying, "Well now you have to do this. You have committed yourself. You will look stupid if you back out." Without this training, I wouldn't be the person I am right now. I wouldn't say I have a different appearance. The biggest changes have happened inside. Changes I cannot explain and that are only felt.

My quest to run a marathon was about 5-6 years ago. Throughout all those years, I some how managed to stop training and got side tracked by other things. One day I went to the gateway on a Saturday and saw them setting up the finish line for the marathon. I had so much regret that day and it ate at me. It still eats at me to this day. Team in Training was the best thing for me with my training. It taught me to run for some one other than myself. Without this team, I wouldn't be where I am at now and once again I would see this marathon continue on without me. To know that I will be participating this year is an amazing feeling. I have trained hard and I have committed myself to this.

I know this may sound weird to some but I am some what excited to push my body to it's limit. At some point in a marathon, the distance is greater than the human ability to physically transcend it. It will be interesting to see just how far I can go and how it will feel when I cross that finish line. I am sure I will be emotional. I am already emotional just thinking about it. I am sure I will cry like a little baby. Some may not understand that. But after all this training and crossing that finish line for Dillon and others will be very overwhelming to me.

"Once you cross that finish line, no matter how slow, no matter how fast, it will change your life forever."

-Dick Beardsley-

Windy running

I've decided that running in the wind is not a lot of fun. The wind out here has picked up a lot the last couple of days. I should look at the bright side, at least the weather is warmer than what it has been. Running against the wind has been helping my training. I can feel how tired my legs get but in a good way. Kind of like when you lift weights. My last two runs haven't been so bad. My run on Monday which was 3 miles was harder than I thought. My legs were tired from Saturdays run. My legs were also sore but that run and yesterdays run took the soreness away.

I had a very good run last night. About 5 miles and I ran the whole way and didn't stop. I ran against the wind for about 3.25 of the 5 miles. It was a great workout. I told myself that once I got to a certain point, I could walk. Once I got to that point and realized I wasn't running against the wind anymore, it was easy to finish out the rest of the miles. I've been working on my speed as well during my runs. I run about a ten minute mile which is absolutely horrible and I'm hoping I can at least contain a 8 minute mile for the marathon. During my running, about the last mile I usually try to keep that mile under 9 minutes. With time, I think I will get there.

Tonights run will be 6 miles. I can feel my legs getting tired already but the good thing about this is I know I am building up my endurance and my body will eventually get use to it. Thursday is a well needed rest day. My goal today is to finish out strong with these 6 miles knowing that I can rest tomorrow. I want to wear myself out on the run today and rest tomorrow because Friday's run is 3 miles and if I work hard on all these miles this week, those 3 miles won't seem so bad. Saturday's run will be 12 miles. I'm thankful for the time that my coaches put in to lay out the training schedule for us. The workouts are hard but you can tell how they are working. Every day gets a little easier.

Saturday's run...

Like I said in my previous post, it's been a while since I've updated my blog. My running was some what at a stand still due to my ITBS and then I got a cold that caused a lot of congestion in my chest. That and I got distracted by doing other things and I feel horrible that I have let them get in my way but it has woken me up and has put me back where I need to be.

I did a few runs towards the end of February. Nothing big. I did about 2 miles and the next day I did 4 miles. The funny thing, my IT bands were a little tight but I could tell that they were getting better and that really excited me. I'm guessing those things that distracted me, happened for a reason and I received some well needed rest.

I was receiving emails from my coaches about Saturday's run and I about dropped my phone when they said it was scheduled to go 18 miles. My first thought was, "There is no way 18 miles is going to happen." I then started to worry because the marathon is a little over a month away. Thoughts of, "If you can't even do 18 miles now, how are you going to do 26.2 in a month?" I can't explain how stressed out I got about it. The only thing I could do was try my best and see what happened. I was literally praying the night before that my IT bands would not cause me problems.

I wake up Saturday morning feeling pretty good. I meet my team at Sugarhouse park, get in some good stretches, start my watch and I'm off. I was getting pretty tired and looked down at my watch and it reads, 0.90 miles. "This thing must be broke." I thought. The harsh reality is that it wasn't broke. About mile 2 I started to feel good. Mile 4 felt good as well. I got to my aid station at about mile 4. Loaded up on a energy gel pack and some gatorade and water and kept going. The IT bands the whole time did not bother me. I was expecting them to but they never did. About mile 8 I felt myself hit what we call, "our wall". Basically you feel like you are completely out of energy and your body is telling you to stop. This is when mind over matter comes in to play. My coach, his name is Te Koi, really helped me out during that time. I was running by myself and if he wasn't there, there's no way I would have been able to finish. He encouraged me along the way and gave me nothing but positive feedback. We also talked a bit and laughed.

After mile 10 and 11, the miles just started to roll. My watch beeped at me every mile. The miles were going so fast that I thought my watch had to have been broken but it wasn't. Next thing I knew, I was at mile 15. I felt tired but I was more excited about not having pain in my IT bands and I couldn't help but think about Dillon and others fighting this disease. I really focused on why I was running and that was for others and not for myself. I enjoyed every single second of my run, even had a smile on my face believe it or not.

Little did I know that mile 16 would not be my best friend. Like I said above, I was the only one running that day and Te Koi was meeting me at every aid station. Some how I ended up getting confused and lost my way. I had no idea where I was going or where I was at. I asked for directions and of course, 3 out of the 4 people I asked gave me wrong directions. After much back tracking, I asked a lady that was running and she got me back on course, should have asked a runner to begin with but with that many miles already, I couldn't catch any of them.

To say the least, I made my way back to Sugarhouse park where the run began. My coaches were worried and it made me feel good to know that they take this seriously. I was certain they were going to be mad at me but they were not. When I got back to Sugarhouse, I looked at my watch and it said 19 miles. I couldn't believe my eyes. It still does not feel like I ran that long and to me it hasn't hit me how long that is and I don't think it ever will because I had such a great time running.

This training has really given me a new perspective on life. Sure there are plenty of things to complain about in life but I am learning what is worth complaining and what is not worth complaining about. During my run when I would start to feel tired and the miles started to get to me, I would look up at the mountains and enjoy the scenery around me. I would think about why I was running to begin with. I've learned to look past some of the discomforts in life and focus on the bigger picture which is being happy no matter what you are doing. I'm not perfect with that but I am growing.

Just some thoughts...

Where to begin? It's been some time since I've updated everyone about my training. Maybe no one really reads this and it's just me. haha! If so, that's ok. It's nice to have some memories of this. This training by far has been one of the best things I could have done in my life. I've always wanted to run a marathon and at the time, I thought this cause would give me a good reason. I have now realized that this isn't about me anymore and I love that feeling. Sure it feels good to go out and run and be in shape but my mind only concentrates on one thing when I'm running and that is the strength of my friend Dillon and others who struggle with this disease every single day.

Every time I talk to Dillon, he never brings up his health. I'm always the one that has to ask him. It amazes me every single time I get done talking to him. He has such a great attitude with what he has been dealt. I'm pretty sure if I talked to him and we spoke for 2 hours and I didn't bring up his health, he would never mention it. That's not who Dillon is. He doesn't need the attention and to me, he would rather see people smile than for them to be concerned about him. There are still so many other things I have to learn from him and I cherish every talk or laugh we have ever had.

I feel this training has brought me closer to my friend and has given me a better understanding of exactly what he's going through.

Night run.

I didn't get a chance to run in the morning due to having an early dentist appointment. I had a big dinner last night and then had to wait longer to run. The best thing about living in Stansbury is there are some good roads to run on that not a lot of cars travel on. It makes me feel a little safer when I do have to get a run in at night.

I'm glad it's finally starting to warm up a little. I'm sure it won't last. When I was doing my cool down last night, I started pondering about the marathon and realized that this thing is right around the corner. April 18th. Feelings of being nervous and anxiety ran through my body and still run through my body right now. I ponder if I will be able to run it with no problems or be one of those runners that has many problems during the race. I wonder if my mind will be ready for the race and if I have the notorious, "Mind over matter" skill.

Last night I did get a little tired during my run and felt like I needed to stop. My body was telling me it was tired and I could feel it in my legs. I just about stopped but then quickly realized that I have to push myself because it will help me come marathon time. I was able to continue my entire run without stopping and I felt good at the end of my run. Hopefully I can mantain that same ability throughout the race.

A good run.

Saturday's run (01/31/09) went really well. It was a little cold to begin with but about 10 minutes into the run, I got warmed up pretty quickly. We ran by Gardner Village. The photo was some of the other teammates I run with. All of them are great! It's fun running with a group like this that have the same cause in mind. These weren't the only ones that ran on Saturday. This was just a quick little photo we took while we were at one of our aid stations.

My IT bands held up very well. The time I took off was very well needed. I purchased a new thing called, "The Stick". It is like a massager for all sorts of muscles. This thing has been wonderful! I wish I would have bought one along time ago. It definetly helps with deep tissue massaging.

I did notice on my run that my fitness isn't where it needs to be. I wasn't breathing as easily during my run but I'll take that over pain in the legs any day. At least I can build up my fitness with time.